


History Repeats (when you're high at least)

by yourbuttervoicedbeau (kiwiana)



Series: Songs from the Jukebox [Prompt Fills] [69]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Fluff, Jukebox Prompt, M/M, POV David Rose, Patrick Brewer is a Troll, Post-Canon, Prompt Fill, Recreational Drug Use, even when he's high
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29229771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwiana/pseuds/yourbuttervoicedbeau
Summary: David has a sudden, visceral flashback to the time Patrick got his wisdom teeth out. "What is it with you and talking about babies when you're high?" he asks, bewildered, as Stevie cackles with laughter next to him.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Songs from the Jukebox [Prompt Fills] [69]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775569
Comments: 34
Kudos: 208





	History Repeats (when you're high at least)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this waaaaaaaaaaaay back in July for the prompt "High or drunk Patrick tries to convince Stevie to have David's baby because they would make SUCH A CUTE BABY, like a tiny angry David, it would be so cute", and promptly forgot about it until Januarium was talking about high!Patrick and I was like "Oh, I've never written that... wait, no, I totally have!"
> 
> As always with Jukebox prompts it’s unedited, barely reread, and written on my phone, so apologies for what I’m sure is a multitude of errors.

If David had known Patrick was going to choose tonight to get stoned with them for the first time, he might have picked up some less strong weed.

Of course, he could have just passed the joint less, but unfortunately that doesn't actually occur to him until his husband is sprawled on the grass, staring blearily up at the sky with his head in David's lap and his legs draped across Stevie's. Stevie looks like she's not quite sure what to do with the contact, patting his shin awkwardly as she talks about her latest family drama.

"Skaggy Bree had another baby," she's saying. "And I know you're not supposed to say this or whatever, but honestly, it is a fucking ugly baby."

"All babies are ugly," David replies just as Patrick flails to a sitting position, gasping so loudly they both turn to look at him in concern. "Honey, are you okay?"

"David," he whispers loudly, turning to him with wide eyes. "You would make _such a cute baby."_

David has a sudden, visceral flashback to the time Patrick got his wisdom teeth out. "What is it with you and talking about babies when you're high?" he asks, bewildered, as Stevie cackles with laughter next to him.

"You're right, Patrick," she says, wide-eyed. "Imagine that hair on a little baby!"

"I hate you," David hisses.

Patrick claps his hands together. "Yes! The dark hair and that grumpy face and little tiny designer clothes." He strokes David's jaw and David tries to keep his _grumpy face_ intact, he really does, but Patrick's touch is heavy and he can't help but lean into it. "I don't think the baby would have stubble, though," Patrick adds solemnly, and even David has to crack a smile at that.

"If you say so, honey," he says.

"Oh look, you can get Gucci onesies!" Stevie says and sure enough, she's holding up her phone. David scowls at her.

"Nooooooo," Patrick says. "We need teeny tiny designer _sweaters._ Givenchy, but for babies." David is begrudgingly impressed that Patrick can still pronounce Givenchy when he's this stoned. 

Patrick is grinning widely at him, eyes sparkling, and David knows he's being wound up; even high out of his mind, Patrick is determined to be a troll. He refuses to take the bait. "Okay, well as super fun as this conversation is, no babies for us, remember?"

"But David," Stevie chimes in, because Stevie has never been helpful in her life. "You would make such a cute baby."

Patrick's eyes widen, and he turns to her. "Stevie," he says, "you could have his baby!"

Stevie's face falls immediately. "What."

"Yes!" Patrick takes her hands earnestly, but David can see the twitch of a smirk he's trying desperately to hide. "You could have the tiny angry David baby, and be Auntie Stevie, and we would give it a little flannel outfit in your honour."

"David, what the fuck," she hisses at him, and David shrugs in response. 

"Oh look, you can get flannel onesies," he parrots sarcastically back to her, and she glares.

"This is not funny."

"That's not a helpful attitude from our baby momma."

Stevie throws her hands up in the air before jumping to her feet. "I hate both of you. I'm going home."

"Best wishes!" David says cheerfully, and gets a middle finger in response.

"All right," he says when she's gone, pressing a kiss to Patrick's forehead where he's now slumped against David's shoulder, mouthing aimlessly at David's neck. "Let's get you home."

"To make a baby?" he asks hopefully, and David snorts.

"Only theoretically."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Come and find me on [Tumblr](http://yourbuttervoicedbeau.tumblr.com/).


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